Dear Bectacular,

I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 months. Things seem to be going pretty well. We get along great and we have a lot of fun together. However, every time we are out in public I catch him starring at other girls. It’s not just a glance; it’s the full body gaze. Occasionally I’ve even caught him striking up conversation when I’ve walked away. The only time I have his full attention is when we are alone. When I say something to him he just blows me off and says I’m the one that’s over reacting. I know what I’m seeing is more than a casual look. Do you think he’s cheating on me?

Dear Star Gazer,

Wow, that’s a tough call. Cheating? I can’t really answer that based from the above letter. However, you start out by saying that things are going well and then in another sentence you say he’s looking at other chicks instead of you. That doesn’t sound like things are going that well in my book.

It sound like you might be dating a Jack (AKA jack ass.) Sounds like your Jack has a classic case of: Can’t keep eyes in head.  I had one of those too and needless to say we’re not dating anymore.

You need to ask yourself, is it really ok with me that my guy checks out and talks to other chicks when we are out together?

If the answer is yes then we have some serious work to do sister!

It is completely inappropriate for you to be on a back burner when you’re out in public. You are front burner material girl and you need to believe that!

If the answer is no then you’re on the right track.

Give him the benefit of the doubt and confront him. Let him know what dating you is supposed to look like and this behavior is not going to fly. If he cares about being with you then he’ll stop doing it.

Either way it’s a win win for you. If he apologizes and works on it then you saved your relationship, hooray! If he blows you off and keeps doing it then its time to move on to someone who thinks you’re amazing!

The truth is you deserve to be treated with respect. There are plenty of guys out there that are willing to look at only you. If this one doesn’t dig you then find one that does! We all deserve the very best in life. Being with someone who gives you their full attention is a great start. Good Luck!

Remember, You’re a Totally Rockin’ Chick!

Bectacualr

Dear Bectacular,

I currently live with my boyfriend and am getting to the point that I think he has a mistress. For the last 2 years he has worked 8-5 and couldn’t wait to come home to me. Lately he’s been talking about a specific girl from work quite a lot. On top of that he now “works late” and has “work functions” that didn’t exist before. Not only that but I’m never invited to anything anymore. I have also have noticed that they’ve been text messaging but I haven’t read anything yet. I only saw her name in his phone. My gut tells me yes but I just don’t know. We’ve been together about 2 years and I do love him. I’m afraid that if I say something and he’s not cheating on me it’ll ruin the relationship. Should I confront him or not?

Dear Miss Non-Confrontational,

Yes, Yes, Yes and YES! You totally need to confront him that is so not cool. Instead of accusing him of cheating why don’t you put the scenario back on him and say:

“Honey, I have something I need to ask you. How would you feel if I came home after a long day at work at talked about another dude? How would you feel if I always had to work late and excluded you from my work functions? Lastly how would you feel if on top of all that you noticed that we were texting?”

See how he responds. I guarantee roles reversed he would not be a happy camper. The fact that you’re excluded from the functions puts some doubt in my head. He should be treating you like a princess not leaving you at home alone.

Truth is any guy that is truly into you will find every way to be with you and not every way to be away from you. Before I even comment on the cheating aspects, it sounds like he has already made his decision to spend his time away from home. Stick to your instincts you already know its bad news even without another girl having to be in the picture.

Now do I think he has a mistress? It sounds like a good possibility that things could be moving in that direction if they aren’t there already. The bottom line is that it seems you’re not at the top of his priority list. Sounds like he has some priority shifting to do or he can shift himself right out of the equation.

Please do me a favor and protect your heart. Remember that you deserve nothing but the very best life has to offer. Anyone that says they love you should treat you as such. Being with someone who thinks you’re the top of charts is a good start. Good Luck!

Remember, You’re a Totally Rockin’ Chick!

Bectacular